wobble onto the ice during their first time on skates. Once the toddlers
make their first inevitable crash on the ice, one group of moms, worried
to death at the side of the rink, yells, “Are you hurt?” And the toddlers,
scrunching up their face and sliding back toward Mom, say, in that
distinctive toddler way, “Yeah, come to think of it, I am hurt.” The other
group of moms merely shouts, “Kaboom!” when the children go down,
and their youngsters pick themselves up, dust a few flakes off the old
bottom, and go on skating, often saying, “Yeah, kaboom!” in agreement.
The first group of children learned that a fall is a painful experience.
The second group learned from their mistakes, not concentrating on the
pain and parental rescue. The problem is, rescuing parents often rescue
out of their own needs. They like to heal hurts. They are parents who need
to be needed, not parents who want to be wanted.
Children who have been shown love primarily by protection may be
irreparably damaged by the time they reach high school. Parents of
middle or high school children who must concern themselves with
clothing, television habits, homework, teeth brushing, haircuts, and the
like have “at-risk” children on their hands. At the very least, these
children are not going to be much fun for their future spouse.
The challenge of parenting is to love kids enough to allow them to fail
— to stand back, however painful it may be, and let SLOs build our
children.
Responsibility Cannot Be Taught
Parents are forever moaning about their children’s inability to absorb
parental words of wisdom. It seems we can tell daughter Kayla a hundred
times not to forget something, and sure enough, she walks out the door
without it. We tell son Ryan to show some respect, and he answers, “Why
do I have to do that? You’re living in the Dark Ages!”
One thing for sure we can’t tell kids is “Be responsible.” It doesn’t
work. Have you ever noticed that the parents who yell the loudest about
responsibility seem to have the most irresponsible kids? The most