The Three-Legged Table of Self-Concept
The building of a person’s self-concept can be compared to building a
three-legged table. Such a table will stand only when all three supports
are strong. If any one of the legs is weak, the table will wobble and rock.
If a leg is missing, goodbye table.
Our children’s three-legged table of self-concept is built through the
implied messages we give. These messages either build them up and
allow them to succeed by themselves or add to childhood discouragement
and reduced self-esteem.
LOVE AND LOGIC TIP 5
A Tale of Self-ConceptThe first day of kindergarten. Big school. Big bus. Big moment in a
child’s life. Elena and Brady — two very different kinds of kids —
walk through the school doors on that very big first day. In Elena’s
head, the thinking goes, School’s probably going to be fun. I’ll get a
fair shot. I can learn. School is really no big deal. In Brady’s head,
the music is not so harmonious: School may not be that great. I may
not be able to learn. I may have a hard time with friends. I really
don’t know about this school business.
A child’s self-concept is deeply entrenched by the time that
child hits kindergarten, built through the many implied
messages he or she received during the first few years of life.
From the moment of birth, a child embarks on a lifelong
mission of feeling accepted and being noticed in a positive way.
Elena picked up all kinds of positive messages during her
first five years — messages that she was capable, lovable, and
valuable. Her parents sent signals that said, “We love you the
way you are because you are you.” At a very early age, Elena
was given opportunities to do her own thinking. The decisions
were about elementary issues, true, but they were decisions