Parenting With Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

“That’s right. They mind me, but Catherine’s around them all
the time.”
Wow! Do you think Catherine would accept that response
from a teacher if one of the third-grade classes were out of
control? “Well, of course, the class is a real mess, but I’ve had
them all semester!” That sort of thinking also wouldn’t work
for the average residential treatment center or for a first
sergeant leading basic training: “I have trouble with all the
recruits, but, heck, I’ve been around them for the entire six
weeks!”
Parents’ guilt probably plays a larger role than most of us
realize. Guilt excuses the child’s misbehavior: “If I were a
better parent, they wouldn’t be acting this way,” or “If it
weren’t for our divorce, they wouldn’t be so difficult,” or “I’m
a working mom, and I don’t give Jacob enough time, so it’s no
wonder he’s out of control. Poor little latchkey kid.” This
excusing of irresponsible and destructive behavior because
children have somehow been wronged can be carried to
ridiculous extremes. “Perhaps if the boys hadn’t been
ostracized and if other children hadn’t made fun of them, they
wouldn’t have taken the guns to school.”
Love and Logic parents give a far different message: “Times
can be real tough, and you have the opportunity to learn from
them. If anyone can cope with difficulties, it’s you. I bet you
are very proud of yourself.” The Love and Logic single working
mom doesn’t feel guilty and gives no apology. Her working is
an opportunity for her children to grow: “You guys are so lucky
I provide for you. You are so lucky to have me for a mom, and
I’m lucky to have you. And I expect you will choose to be a big
help to me. Thanks!”

How to Talk to a Child