from commands? Limits can be set much more effectively when we’re
not fighting with our kids. It has been clinically proven that kids who are
thinking cannot fight us at the same time.
Love and Logic parents make statements with enforceable thinking
words, telling their kids:
• What we will allow — “Feel free to join us for your next
meal as soon as the lawn is mowed.”
• What we will do — “I’ll be glad to read you a story as soon
as you’ve finished your bath.”
• What we will provide — “You may eat what is served, or
you may wait and see if the next meal appeals to you more.”Our kids have little chance to fight these statements. They’re too busy
thinking about the choices they have been given and the consequences
that may result from their choice.
LOVE AND LOGIC TIP 17
Let Your “Yes” Be Yes, and Your “No” Be Yes TooThe word no is one of the biggest fighting words in the parental
arsenal of commands. It is a child’s call to arms, a shot across his
bow. Kids hear it far too often. In fact, parents of two-year-olds are
known to say “no” — in some form or other — 77 percent of the
time. Children gradually tire of hearing it. In fact, they hear it so
much that the first word many children learn to say is “no” and
variations of it. When kids hear “no,” half the time they ignore it.
They hear it so much that sometimes they think it means “maybe,”
and other times they think it really means “yes.”
The rule with “no” is that we use it as seldom as possible.
But when we use it, we mean business. All of the other times
we are tempted to use “no,” we can avoid a fight by replacing
“no” with a “yes” to something else. In this way, we use