Encouraging children’s growing independence is one of a parent’s
most important challenges.
How do you go about supporting your kids’ independence? First,
you avoid over-parenting, and second, you involve your kids in
problem-solving efforts through family meetings and one-on-one
parent-child meetings.
These get-togethers are a good idea for several reasons. As the
kids get older it makes more sense that they have a bigger voice
regarding the issues that affect them. In addition, kids will cooperate
better with a decision or policy when they have had a say in the
development of that idea. And finally, children need the experience of
family negotiation to prepare for managing their own marriages and
families. Unfortunately, far too many married adults learn the hard
way—when it is too late—that their personal negotiation skills could
use some work.
A good time to start family or one-on-one meetings is when the
kids are around first grade. Don’t try meetings when the children are
three or four years old, as they’ll be too young to understand the
process. The family meeting can take place as often as you wish; once
every week or two is ideal. One-on-one conferences should be done
less frequently, or as needed. You can call special meetings whenever
a unique problem comes up, and your kids can also request a meeting
themselves.
How to Run a Family Meeting
The format of the family meeting is simple. One parent is usually the
chairperson and has responsibility for keeping order and keeping
people on task. Older children can try running the meeting themselves
from time to time if you think they can handle the job. The
chairperson sees to it that the agenda is followed, that each person