advice and the other half is not. The good half is this: if you are
feeling positively toward a child, by all means let it show. Express
your affection or dole out some praise. The bad half of the let-it-all-
hang-out advice applies to times when you are irritated or angry with
your children. Cutting loose at these moments can be a problem,
because when we parents are mad we often do the wrong thing. Angry
adults can yell, scream, belittle, and nag. They can also physically
endanger their kids. The 1-2-3 program is as much a control on
parental anger as it is a control on children’s behavior.
Why Your Kids Like to Upset You
There is another reason why too much emotion can interfere with
effective parenting and effective teaching. When they are little, kids
feel inferior to adults. They feel inferior because they are inferior.
They are smaller, less privileged, less intelligent, less skillful, less
responsible, and less of just about everything than their parents and
the older kids are. And this “lessness” bugs them a lot. They don’t
like it. They like to feel they are powerful and capable of making
some mark on the world.
Quik TipIf your little child can get big, old you all upset, your upset is the big splash for
him. Your emotional outburst accidentally makes your child feel powerful.