interrupts you demanding a snack. You calmly say, “That’s 1.” Your
child not only quiets down, but she also leaves the room. The other
parent looks at you like, “What did you do?” Just tell her about 1-2-3
Magic and explain how it works. This scene shows one of the major
ways that 1-2-3 Magic gets passed around.
Grandparents: For our purposes here, there are three types of
grandparents, whether you’re visiting them or they’re visiting you.
The first—and rarest—type of grandparent is the cooperative
grandparent. She will count along with you. You say 1, Grandma says
2, and so on. That kind of cooperation is super, but it doesn’t happen
as much as we’d like.
Like the first type, the second type of grandparent is also nice to
have around. This person we call the passive or nonintrusive
grandparent. This grandma or grandpa leaves you alone when you’re
disciplining the kids and doesn’t interfere. That’s often not easy for a
grandparent.
The third type of grandparent, however, is the antagonistic
grandparent. He will say something to you like this: “You have to
read a book to learn how to raise your kids? Why, when I was a boy,
all Dad had to do was look at his belt.” You know the rest. The
message is that you don’t need any of this modern psychological
stuff.
A second kind of antagonistic grandparent will actually interfere
with your discipline. You say to little Bobby, “That’s 3. Take five,”
and before he can move, Grandma butts in and says, “Oh, little Bobby
didn’t really do anything. Bobby, come and sit on Grandma’s lap for a
while.”
Some parents ask at this point: “Can you count the grandparents?”
Probably not, but you do have an assertiveness problem on your
hands. You may have to say something like, “You know, Mom, I love
you very much, but these are our kids and this is the way we’re
raising them. If you can’t go along with the agenda, the visit may
marcin
(Marcin)
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