108 The Explosive Childand has been waiting (not so patiently) for you to give
him the chance. So, as it relates to solving problems with
your child, here’s an important theme: Don’t be a genius.
You’d think that most adults would breathe a sigh of
relief at the news that they no longer need to come up
with an immediate, ingenious solution to a problem. In
truth, it takes some folks some getting used to. Most dif-
ficult problems don’t get solved in a nanosecond. Most
difficult problems that get solved in a nanosecond aren’t
durably solved anyway. Solving a difficult problem
durably requires reflection, consideration, time, and a
willingness to let the process of exploring solutions un-
fold without premature interruption. If you’re thinking
that Plan B discussions can sometimes take a long time,
you’re right. But explosions take much longer.
A few more important themes before we practice.
Many adults begin Plan B discussions with very strong
notions about how a problem will be solved. It’s not ter-
rible to have some ideas about how a problem can be
solved, so long as you remember that Plan B is not
“tricky” Plan A. When you use Plan B, you do so with the
understanding that the solution is not predetermined.
One father who had failed to remember this once said, “I
don’t use Plan B unless I already know how the problem
is going to be solved.” If you already know how the prob-
lem is going to be solved before the discussion takes
place, then you’re not using Plan B—you’re using Plan A.
What’s the definition of an ingenious solution? Any