Plan B 109solution that is doable (by both parties), realistic, and mu-
tually satisfactor y. If a solution isn’t doable, realistic, and
mutually satisfactory, the problem isn’t solved yet and
the Problem Solving Team is still working on it.
Some kids’ first stab at a solution is to simply repeat
what they wanted in the first place (for example, “I’m not
going to the movies”). This is usually a sign that the child
is not yet very good at generating solutions that are mu-
tually satisfactory. But if you want him to be thinking
rather than exploding about problems, the last thing
you’d want to do is tell him he’s come up with a bad
idea. Instead, simply remind him that the goal is to come
up with a solution that works for both of you, perhaps by
saying, “Well, that’s an idea. But that solution would
make you happy—because then you wouldn’t have to
worry about being scared—but it probably wouldn’t
make your brother happy, since he really wants to go to
the movies. Let’s see if we can come up with an idea that
will make us all happy.” In other words, there’s no such
thing as a bad solution—only solutions that aren’t realis-
tic, doable, or mutually satisfactory.
By the way, the mutually satisfactor y part should be of
great comfort to adults who feared that, in using Plan B,
their concerns would not be addressed. If a solution is
mutually satisfactory, then by definition your concerns
have been addressed. So if you were thinking that Plan A
is the only mechanism by which adults can set limits,
you were mistaken. The definition of limit setting is en-