Learning Curves 145motivation to not explode, he’s not even close to being
“held accountable.” If you’re not teaching a child the
skills he needs to solve problems effectively and stop ex-
ploding, then you’re not setting the stage for him to “be
accountable.”So is my child “taking responsibility for his actions” when
I’m using Plan B?Yes. If your child is participating with you in Plan B dis-
cussions in an effort to solve the problems that cause him to
behave maladaptively ...if he’s taking your concerns into
account... if he’s collaborating on solutions that are mu-
tually acceptable... if he’s exploding less ...then he’s
“taking responsibility.”
So Plan B isn’t giving my child the message that I ap-
prove of his explosive behavior, right?Plan A is not the only way to let your child know you
disapprove of his behavior—he knows you disapprove
when you put your concern on the table by doing Plan B
(he probably knew you disapproved anyway). Don’t forget
the definition of limit setting: making sure your concerns
are addressed. Since your concerns are being addressed
with both Plan A and Plan B, you’re setting limits in Plan
B just as much as you’re setting limits in Plan A—but in a