Teach Your Children Well 203such feedback being presented continually—not just once
or twice—sometimes we can make a dent in a child’s in-
flexible belief system. Parents and teachers do this sort
of thing with all children. It just takes on a little more
urgency and requires more time, patience, and hard
work with explosive children. But it would be a coup for
a child who previously summarized her abilities with
“I’m stupid” to instead begin saying, “I’m good in math,
but I still need help in reading.”
Let’s think about a few additional social skills. Let’s say
a child was having difficulty sharing the PlayStation dur-
ing play-dates. This could reflect difficulty attending to
social nuances (for example, that the playmate was pout-
ing or not having a very good time) or difficulty appreciat-
ing the impact of one’s behavior on others, or both. Let’s
see what a Proactive Plan B discussion might sound like:
Parent: Jen, was Susie having a good time during
your play-date this afternoon?
Jen: I don’t know. I guess so.
Parent: I wasn’t so sure. I noticed that she didn’t look
too happy while you were playing with your
PlayStation. She was just sitting there.
Jen: She was watching me play.
Parent: I got the impression that maybe she was tired
of watching you play and was wishing that she
could play, too.