30 The Explosive Childdeal successfully with problems (under calmer circum-
stances, they can actually demonstrate such knowledge),
but when they’re frustrated, their powerful emotions
prevent them from accessing and using the information.
Such children are not intentionally trying to be noncom-
pliant; rather, they become overwhelmed by the emo-
tions associated with frustration and have difficulty
applying rational thought until they calm down. You
know what this is like:
Parent: It’s time to stop playing Nintendo and get
ready for bed.
Child (responding with more emotion than thought):
Damn! I’m right in the middle of an important
game!
Parent (perhaps also responding with more emotion
than thought): You’re always right in the middle of
an important game. Get to bed! Now!
Child: Sh-t! You made me mess up my game!
Parent: I messed up your game? Get your butt in
gear before I mess up something else!
Child: (Kaboom)As this dialogue suggests, if you respond to a child
who’s having difficulty separating affect by imposing
your will more intensively and “teaching him who’s the
boss,” you probably won’t help him manage his emotions