D

DATING

Dating works to meet the needs of both identity
achievement and the development of intimacy (both
of which are chief tasks of adolescence), in that as one
gradually becomes closer to another, one becomes
more self-aware. In coming to know the self, adoles-
cents begin to move away from the known world of
family relationships and toward the world of peers. In
doing so, adolescents become aware of differences be-
tween self and others as they work to develop a system
of personal values and beliefs, honing a sense of who
they are and who they wish to be. In this search for
self, dating can have a positive impact on self-esteem
and self-image.

This exploration also includes coming to know
the sexual self, by exploring aspects of sexuality in
terms of both dress and behavior. As adolescents work
to find their place in the adult world, they develop a
more distinct sense of ownership of their bodies and
how that body functions. In addition, they become
more aware of those to whom they are attracted, what
they find sexually pleasing, and how it feels to be in-
volved both physically and emotionally with one per-
son.

The capacity for intimacy is initially developed in
same-sex friendships and then extended into oppo-
site-sex relationships. For females, dating typically
provides a context for further expression of intimacy,
while the experience provides for males a context for
further development of intimacy. In general, intima-
cy skills of the average young adolescent are poorly

developed; consequently, the art of managing close

relationships tends to develop through a process of

trial and error. As the individual matures and ac-

quires more dating experience, she becomes more

comfortable with aspects of self-disclosure, emotional

closeness, and the experience of being cared for by a

member of the opposite sex.

Who Dates When?

Children develop crushes early on, and report

‘‘going together’’ as early as fifth grade. However,

middle school seems to be the more typical time when

adolescents begin developing an interest in members

of the opposite sex.

Even while chaperoned dating has virtually dis-

appeared, the median age at which dating begins de-

creased from sixteen in 1924 to thirteen in 1990.

Most females begin dating by fourteen years of age,

while males begin between fourteen and fifteen. Ini-

tially, dating takes the form of mixed-gender groups

involved in common activities, with dating as a couple

delayed until approximately fifteen or sixteen years

of age. By sixteen, more than 90 percent of all adoles-

cents report having had at least one date, and by their

senior year in high school, 50 percent of adolescents

report dating more than once a week. The majority

of teens report having had at least one exclusive rela-

tionship during middle adolescence, lasting several

months to perhaps a year. And even though females

tend to be more assertive, males continue to initiate

most dating encounters.

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