Adolescents grieve very deeply and with prolonged intensity. They often find solace with their peers, as is the case with these students from
Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. The students were reacting to several fatal shootings that took place at the school in 1999.
(David Zalubowski)
open communication, assurances that they will not be
abandoned, and a sense of normalcy to the extent to
which they are capable. Older children and adoles-
cents also need to feel that they have some control
over their situation, and they need to be treated as
unique individuals. Many of these concerns are appli-
cable to their well siblings. And, of course, their par-
ents need an incredible amount of social and
emotional support as they encounter their ultimate
nightmare.
Childhood Grief
Many people encounter death during their child-
hood. When George Dickinson asked college students
to write about their first experiences with death, he
found the average age of this first loss to be 7.95
years. Most of these deaths involved the death of a
grandparent or a pet.
Grief is an individual affair, no matter if the griev-
er is an adult or a child. Although there are aspects
of grief that are common to all people, it is important
to recognize that children do not express their sad-
ness over loss in the same manner as do adults. Fur-
ther, it is necessary to take into consideration the
child’s developmental concept of death and who has
died. A child younger than five, for example, may
have a difficult time understanding why grandma is
not coming back. Regardless of who it is, death in-
volves not only the loss of a person who was meaning-
ful to the child but also a relationship that would have
evolved over time as the child changes into an adoles-
cent and adult. Thus, grieving and understanding the
nature of the loss may be a lifelong process for chil-
dren, especially when they lose a parent.DEATH 115