A balance between friendliness and conflict in sibling relationships can provide a unique opportunity for children to develop important social
and behavioral skills. (Corbis)
relationships with one another. With young children,
parents must usually intervene in siblings’ arguments
to prevent older siblings from taking advantage of
younger ones. This intervention is most effective
when parents talk with the children about the prob-
lem, discuss the children’s feelings and needs, explain
their own feelings about the issues, and enforce rules
for the children’s treatment of one another. For sib-
lings in middle childhood and adolescence, parents’
consistent enforcement of rules that emphasize equal-
ity and fairness helps siblings develop respect for one
another as they work out their own disagreements.
Conflict in sibling relationships also decreases when
parents treat their children impartially and keep the
discussion friendly when talking with their children
about sibling relationship problems.
Sibling Relationships in the Family
System
Siblings and the other members of the family are
part of a system in which one person’s behavior affects
everyone else. Likewise, relationships between some
family members can influence relationships between
other members. For example, the relationship be-
tween a mother and father can affect the children’s
relationships with one another. Psychologists who
study children’s responses to conflict between their
parents have found that the parents’ anger at one an-
other causes negative emotional reactions in the chil-
dren, who often direct these reactions toward others.
The result is often sibling relationships in which chil-
dren exchange little positive behavior and much neg-
ative behavior. This, however, is not always the case.
Some older siblings respond to their parents’ fights
by becoming more caring and kind toward their
younger brothers and sisters, to protect them from
the distress arising from the adults’ conflict. Parents’
individual problems can also affect sibling relation-
ships by influencing individual children’s emotional
states. The unpleasant feelings that arise from deal-
ing with a depressed or hostile parent may make it
more difficult for children to behave pleasantly to-
ward their brothers and sisters.
Psychologists have found that conflict between
parents and parents’ personal problems influence sib-
ling relationships through parent-child relationships.
If parents’ problems lead them to behave in a hostile
manner toward their children, sibling relationships
will be disrupted. If parents do not become hostile,364 SIBLINGS AND SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS