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we've got to find a way to get across the waterthat huge void that stands between us and where we want to be.

We have two choices. In the water is an ocean liner, a cruise ship that looks real posh and cozy. It's called

treatment, therapy. Next to it, on the beach, sits a group of odd-looking people. They appear to be rowing a boat,

but we can't see a boat, and we can't see the oars. We only see these happy people sitting on the beach, rowing an

invisible boat with invisible oars. The invisible boat is called Al-Anon (or A.A. or any other Twelve Step

program). The ocean liner honks, summoning us aboard the treatment and therapy cruise. We can see the people

on board: they're happy and waving to us. Then there's these goofy people hollering at us to join them in their

invisible boat. Would we choose the liner or the invisible boat? Of course, we'll get on the ocean liner, the luxury

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cruise. The next thing we know, we're heading toward that island of happiness.

The problem is about mid-way across the water, the ocean liner stops, turns around, and heads back to the shore

where we started from. Then the captain orders everyone off the ship. When we ask, ''Why?" he says, "Our cruise

only goes so far. The only way you can ever get to that island is by getting in the invisible boat (called Al-

Anon)."

So we shrug our shoulders and walk over to the people in the boat. "Get in!" they holler. "We can't see any boat

to get into!" we holler back. "Get in anyway," they say. So we get in, and pretty soon they say, ''Pick up an oar

and start rowing (working the Steps)." "Can't see any oars," we holler back. "Pick 'em up and start rowing,

anyway!" they say. So we pick up invisible oars and start rowing, and pretty soon we see the boat. Before we

know it, we see the oars too. Next thing we know, we're so happy rowing the boat with the goofy people we don't

care if we ever get to the other side. 4

That is the magic of the Twelve Step programsthey work. I am not saying, implying, or suggesting treatment and therapy
are not helpful. They are. For many of us, treatment or a little therapy is just what we need to get started on our journey.
But that ride ends and if we have a compulsive disorder or love someone with a compulsive disorder, we may discover
we need to get on the invisible boat with those happy people.

At the end of this chapter, I have included tests we can take to help determine if we are candidates for Al-Anon, Alateen,
or O-Anon. I have also included further questions from Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA). Please understand that the
"anon" and ACOA groups are not for people with the drinking problem; they are for people who have been affected by
someone else's problem. People frequently misunderstand this. Also, many chemically dependent people who attend A.A.
find they also need to go to Al-Anon or ACOA to deal with their codependent characteristics. If you believe you might
be a candidate for any of the Twelve Step programsif you even suspect you have a problem common to one

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of the groups I discussed at the beginning of this chapterfind a group and start going to meetings. It will help you feel
better.

I know it's difficult to go to meetings. I know it's difficult to present ourselves to a group of strangers and hold up our
problem for the world to see. I know many of us probably don't understand how going to meetings could help
anythingespecially if the other person has the problem. But it will help. I was so angry when I started attending Al-Anon
meetings. I was already working a program for my alcoholism. I didn't want or need another program or another problem
in my life to work on. Besides, I felt I had already done enough to help the alcoholics in my life. Why should I have to
go to meetings? The alcoholics were the ones who needed help. At my first meeting, some cheery little woman walked
up to me, talked to me for a few minutes, smiled, and said, "Aren't you lucky? You're a double winner. You get to work
both programs!" I wanted to choke her. Now, I agree. I am lucky. I am a double winner.

Some of us may be reluctant to go to meetings because we feel we've already done enough for the other people in our
lives. Well, we're right. We probably have. That's why it's important to go to our meetings. We're going for ourselves.