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People who care about people with eating disorders are probably codependent. In her book, Fat Is a Family Affair, Judi
Hollis wrote that one eating disorder person can keep fifteen to twenty codependents busy.3 Many people with eating
disorders are codependents, too. "In an informal survey, I discovered at least 40 percent of the wives of alcoholics were
obese," Hollis wrote. 4

You may be reading this book for yourself; you may be codependent. Or, you may be reading this book to help someone
else; if so, you probably are codependent. If concern has turned into obsession; if compassion has turned into caretaking;
if you are taking care of other people and not taking care of yourselfyou may be in trouble with codependency. Each
person must decide for him- or herself if codependency is a problem. Each person must decide for him- or herself what
needs to be changed and when that should happen.

Codependency is many things. It is a dependency on peopleon their moods, behaviors, sickness or well-being, and their
love. It is a paradoxical dependency.5 Codependents appear to be depended upon, but

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they are dependent. They look strong but feel helpless. They appear controlling but in reality are controlled themselves,
sometimes by an illness such as alcoholism.

These are the issues that dictate recovery. It is solving these problems that makes recovery fun. Many recoveries from
problems that involve a person's mind, emotions, and spirit are long and grueling. Not so, here. Except for normal human
emotions we would be feeling anyway, and twinges of discomfort as we begin to behave differently, recovery from
codependency is exciting. It is liberating. It lets us be who we are. It lets other people be who they are. It helps us own
our God-given power to think, feel, and act. It feels good. It brings peace. It enables us to love ourselves and others. It
allows us to receive lovesome of the good stuff we've all been looking for. It provides an optimum environment for the
people around us to get and stay healthy. And recovery helps stop the unbearable pain many of us have been living with.

Recovery is not only fun, it is simple. It is not always easy, but it is simple. It is based on a premise many of us have
forgotten or never learned: Each person is responsible for him- or herself. It involves learning one new behavior that we
will devote ourselves to: taking care of ourselves. In the second half of this book, we'll discuss specific ideas for doing
that.

Activity

1. Go through the checklist in this chapter. Mark each characteristic with a 0 if it is never a problem for you. Mark the
   characteristic with a 1 if it is occasionally a problem. And mark it with a 2 if it is frequently a problem. Later, in another
   chapter, you will use this to establish goals. You may wish to use it now as a guide to the chapters you want to read.


2. How do you feel about changing yourself? What do you think would happen if you began to change? Do you think you
   can change? Why or why not? Write several paragraphs answering these questions.

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PART II:

THE BASICS OF SELF-CARE

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