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around us. As codependents, we may do many things, but this pattern is what we do best and most often. This is our
favorite reaction.

We are the rescuers, the enablers. We are the great godmothers or godfathers to the entire world, as Earnie Larsen says.
We not only meet people's needs, we anticipate them. We fix, nurture, and fuss over others. We make better, solve, and
attend to. And we do it all so well. ''Your wish is my command," is our theme. "Your problem is my problem," is our
motto. We are the caretakers.

What's a Rescue?

Rescuing and caretaking mean almost what they sound like. We rescue people from their responsibilities. We take care
of people's responsibilities for them. Later we get mad at them for what we've done. Then we feel used and sorry for
ourselves. That is the pattern, the triangle.

Rescuing and caretaking are synonymous. Their definitions are closely connected to enabling. Enabling is therapeutic
jargon that means a destructive form of helping. Any acts that help an alcoholic continue drinking, prevent the alcoholic
from suffering consequences, or in any way make it easier for an alcoholic to continue drinking are considered enabling
behaviors.

As counselor Scott Egleston says, we rescue anytime we take responsibility for another human beingfor that person's
thoughts, feelings, decisions, behaviors, growth, well-being, problems, or destiny. The following acts constitute a
rescuing or caretaking move:

· Doing something we really don't want to do.

· Saying yes when we mean no.

· Doing something for someone although that person is capable of and should be doing it for him- or herself.

· Meeting people's needs without being asked and before we've agreed to do so.

· Doing more than a fair share of work after our help is requested.

· Consistently giving more than we receive in a particular situation.

· Fixing people's feelings.

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· Doing people's thinking for them.

· Speaking for another person.

· Suffering people's consequences for them.

· Solving people's problems for them.

· Putting more interest and activity into a joint effort than the other person does.

· Not asking for what we want, need, and desire.

We rescue whenever we take care of other people.

At the time we rescue or caretake we may feel one or more of the following feelings: discomfort and awkwardness about
the other person's dilemma; urgency to do something; pity; guilt; saintliness; anxiety; extreme responsibility for that
person or problem; fear; a sense of being forced or compelled to do something; mild or severe reluctance to do anything;
more competency than the person we are "helping"; or occasional resentment at being put in this position. We also think
the person we are taking care of is helpless and unable to do what we are doing for him or her. We feel needed