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followed by sad feelings, because that is the

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way it has usually happened in the past. Some codependents believe we can't, shouldn't, and don't deserve to feel happy.
Sometimes we do things to create sad feelings after experiencing happy feelings, or whenever the possibility of a happy
feeling exists. It's okay to feel happy. It's okay to feel sad. Let the emotional energy pass through, and strive for peace
and balance.

There are times when we may need professional help to deal with our emotions. If we are stuck in any particular feeling
we should give ourselves what we need. See a counselor, a therapist, a psychoanalyst, or a clergyperson. Take care of
ourselves. We deserve it. We may also want to seek professional help if we've been repressing feelings for a long period
of time or if we suspect what we've been repressing is intense.

Sometimes, it just takes only a little practice and awareness to awaken the emotional part of us. The following things
help me get in touch with my feelings: physical exercise, writing letters I don't intend to send, talking to people I feel
safe with, and spending quiet time in meditation. We need to make awareness of ourselves a habit. We need to pay
attention to the "shouldn't feel that way" attitudes we tell ourselves; we need to pay attention to our level of
comfortableness; we need to listen to what we're thinking and saying and the tone of voice we use; we need to keep an
eye on what we're doing. We will find our way to and through our emotions, a way that works for us.

We need to invite emotions into our lives. Then make a commitment to take gentle, loving care of them. Feel our
feelings. Trust our feelings and trust ourselves. We are wiser than we think.

Activity

1. Read through your journal writings. What emotions were squeaking or pouring out as you wrote?
   2. Let's play a "what if" game. What if you could be feeling anything you wanted right now, and feeling that way
   wouldn't make you a bad person. What would you be feeling? Write about it.

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3. Find someone who is safe, a good listener, accepting, and nonrescuing, and begin honestly and openly discussing your
   feelings with that person. Listen to that person's feelings without judgment or caretaking gestures. This is nice, isn't it? If
   you don't know anybody you feel safe doing that with, join a support group.

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14

Anger

''What is it about me that you hate so much?'' a man asked his wife six months into his sobriety.
"Everything!" she replied with a glare.
Anonymous quote

For many years I rarely felt anger. I cried. I felt hurt. But anger? No, not me.

After I began my recovery from codependency, I wondered if I would ever not be angry.

Janet Woititz described me in this quote from Marriage on the Rocks: "You become rigid and mistrustful. Rage
consumes you without a satisfying outlet. Anyone who walks into your house can feel the angry vibrations. There is no