family relationships at risk. Rather than welcoming children to the
family, children are treated as the center of the family universe. This is
the heart of child-centered parenting.
With child-centered or mother-centered parenting, parents intensely
pursue the child’s happiness, taking great pains to avoid stress or
emotional discomfort in the child’s life. Certainly, who doesn’t want a
happy child whose life is stress free? Would anyone argue against this
desire? We would hope not. The issue, then, is not the loftiness of the
goal, for that is what this book is pursuing. Our caution centers on the
methods used to reach that goal. In this arena there are many opinions.
Marisa’s parents have adopted the child-centered approach. As a
result, Marisa will never have to wait for anything. If she wants
something, it is given to her on demand. Baby-sitters? They make Marisa
uneasy. So an evening out alone together simply is not an option. Either
her parents will take her everywhere they go, or they will miss a function
due to Marisa’s inability to take part. As for eating, if Marisa suddenly
rejects her bananas, she’ll be offered a variety of options until her
particular preference is revealed. Then mom will stock the shelves full of
Marisa’s delight, only to learn days later that the child’s pleasure is back
to bananas. Welcome to the circus.
Sadly, Marisa’s parents are not aware of the disabling impact their
attitude has on their daughter. Instead of building Marisa into a self-
assured adult, they are fostering the emotionally crippling attitude of me-
ism. Every day, Marisa’s understanding of her place in life is shaped by
the feedback she gets from those around her. If she believes she is central
to the family universe, her self-centered feeling will carry over into every
relationship in her ever-expanding world.
This is devastating both to the family and to Marisa. Other people
simply will not matter to Marisa. When siblings and peers come along,
look out. Their very presence will challenge Marisa’s stronghold on the
family nucleus. There is only one center, and she is it. In the big world,
Marisa will also struggle, ill-prepared for the give-and-take necessary in
any healthy, enduring relationship. No one will cater to her as instantly as
mom and dad. Given her demeanor, no one may care to help her at all.
nora
(Nora)
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