be a good mom or dad, all you need is to continue as before. That’s it. But
don’t kid yourself, this is easier said than done. To improve the quality of
the parent-child relationship, parents first must continue to evaluate the
quality of their relationship with each other. Would it stand alone without
baby? Weak marriages do not build strong families nor do they infuse
security into the hearts of children.
Chelsea, one of our fictional characters, has a mom and dad who are
committed to each other. From that commitment flows security. Of all
Chelsea’s emotional needs, her most basic is knowing mom and dad love
each other. Every day, Chelsea observes her mom and dad relating to one
another. Confirmation of their love relationship is witnessed daily in the
way they talk together, spend time together, and touch. To Chelsea, their
commitment to one another is clear. It is not an unanswered question in
her tiny heart.
While Chelsea’s mom may indeed spend many hours each day loving
and nurturing her; all that time and attention, though beautiful, can not by
itself meet Chelsea’s basic emotional needs. Likewise, her dad can buy
dolls, bikes, and books, then play all day at Chelsea’s side, but he still
will not provide her heart’s fulfillment. For Chelsea to be satisfied
beyond her own understanding, she needs simply to watch her parents
enjoying each other’s company. Simple. Sweet. Everyone wins.
Our belief then, is basic. When the marriage relationship is beautiful
what impressionable child would not desire to share in its joy? When two
are beautifully one, what child would not seek the comforts of this
togetherness? The best years of parenting flow out of the best years of
marriage. Protect it!
Child-Centered Parenting
Too often when a child enters a family, parents leave their first love: each
other. The spotlight shifts to illuminate the children, and the marriage
gets lost in space. Typically—and ironically—this occurs in the name of
good parenting. In reality, this shift offers devastating results. From its
start, the family is breaking apart. This type of parenting puts all other