to be nice and to respect people’s feelings at all times and in
every situation.
But nice alone in the context of negotiation can backfire.
Nice, employed as a ruse, is disingenuous and manipulative.
Who hasn’t received the short end of the stick in dealings
with a “nice” salesman who took you for a ride? If you rush
in with plastic niceness, your bland smile is going to dredge
up all that baggage.
Instead of getting inside with logic or feigned smiles,
then, we get there by asking for “No.” It’s the word that
gives the speaker feelings of safety and control. “No” starts
conversations and creates safe havens to get to the final
“Yes” of commitment. An early “Yes” is often just a cheap,
counterfeit dodge.
About five months after she’d told me to “go away,” I
stopped by Amy Bonderow’s office and told her that I’d
volunteered at HelpLine.
“You did?” she asked, smiling with surprise. “I tell
everybody to do that. And nobody ever does.”
It turned out that Amy had started her negotiating career
by volunteering at the same place. She started naming
people who were now mutual friends of ours. We laughed
about Jim.
In a sudden shift, Amy stopped speaking and stared at
me. I shifted in my shoes as she gave me the Pause. Then
she smiled.
“You get the next position.”
At that time, there were five other people aiming for the