of what is wrong with him or her does not necessarily give the child the skills to change and, cer-
tainly, does not enhance his or her sense of self-worth. For the therapist, joining in a discussion of the
problems with the child runs the risk of triggering resistance on the part of the young client who, un-
derstandably, does not want to hear it all again from someone new. Once in this position, the thera-
pist has lost potential therapeutic potency and will need to take a different orientation to be able to
offer the hope of change.
Material that is likely to engage children, build on their resources, and give them confidence to
move forward may be gained from a variety of questions that seek to explore their capabilities,
strengths, and potential for making therapeutic gains. Such resource-oriented questions might in-
clude the following:
■ What do you do for fun?
■ When do you feel happy?
■ What hobbies do you enjoy?
■ What sports do you play?
■ What books do you like reading?
■ What do you like to watch on TV?
■ What is special about your favorite characters?
■ What are you favorite subjects at school?
■ Who are your closest playmates?
■ Do you have a pet?
Let me give an example. I recently saw a 12-year-old boy (referred by his pediatric rheumatol-
ogist) who had been diagnosed with a diffuse pain syndrome that involved debilitating symptoms fol-
lowing an automobile accident. He found it difficult to walk, stand, hold a pen, play, or participate
in sports. He had stopped attending school, did not see his friends, and spent most of his time play-
ing video games. His specialist had suggested a psychogenic element to his problems and was en-
couraging him, along with his psychiatrist, physiotherapist, and parents, to start doing things again.
From a therapeutic perspective this was very appropriate, but Andrew (as I have called him in a
metaphor based on his case, Story 88, “Getting Back on Your Feet”) did not believe he could, and
so was passively resisting all efforts.
Not wanting to risk our sessions’ slipping into the same pattern, we talked about his past interests
and hobbies, and how he might resume these when better. We explored ways, often in metaphor, of
seeking to broaden, subtly and simply, the types of activities in which he couldengage and to build this
into a more extensive repertoire. I was deeply touched when, on leaving my office after one session,
he looked me in the eye and said, “You know, you’re a good friend.” On that we had a basis to work.
Join the Client’s Language
Listen to the language of your young clients. Learn the names and nature of the games they play, dis-
cover their favorite TV characters, listen to the ways they communicate with their parents, and hear
the language they use in relating conversations with other kids, because joining them in their
world—even just a little—can go a long way.
One of my passions is travel, and when I travel into a new country I attempt to learn some of the
230 Creating Your Own Healing Stories for Kids