In one experiment, psychologists gave people the chance to work with partners who were either
competitive or cooperative. The takers acted competitively regardless of who their partners were.
The rest adapted to their partners; they were cooperative when working with cooperative partners,
but once a partner was competitive, they matched their behavior, responding in a more competitive
manner. Game theorists call this tit for tat, and it’s a pure matcher strategy: start out cooperating, and
stay cooperative unless your counterpart competes. When your counterpart competes, match the
behavior by competing too. This is a wildly effective form of matching that has won many game
theory tournaments. But tit for tat suffers from “a fatal flaw,” writes Harvard mathematical biologist
Martin Nowak, of “not being forgiving enough to stomach the occasional mishap.”
Nowak has found that it can be more advantageous to alternate between giving and matching. In
generous tit for tat, the rule is “never forget a good turn, but occasionally forgive a bad one.” You
start out cooperating and continue cooperating until your counterpart competes. When your
counterpart competes, instead of always responding competitively, generous tit for tat usually means
competing two thirds of the time, acting cooperatively in response to one of every three defections.
“Generous tit for tat can easily wipe out tit for tat and defend itself against being exploited by
defectors,” Nowak writes. Generous tit for tat achieves a powerful balance of rewarding giving and
discouraging taking, without being overly punitive. It comes with a risk: generous tit for tat
encourages most people to act like givers, which opens the door for takers to “rise up again” by
competing when everyone else is cooperating. But in a world where relationships and reputations are
visible, it’s increasingly difficult for takers to take advantage of givers. According to Nowak, “The
generous strategy dominates for a very long time.”
Generous tit for tat is an otherish strategy. Whereas selfless givers make the mistake of trusting
others all the time, otherish givers start out with trust as the default assumption, but they’re willing to
adjust their reciprocity styles in exchanges with someone who appears to be a taker by action or
reputation. Being otherish means that givers keep their own interests in the rearview mirror, taking
care to trust but verify. When dealing with takers, shifting into matcher mode is a self-protective
strategy. But one out of every three times, it may be wise to shift back into giver mode, granting so-
called takers the opportunity to redeem themselves. This is what Peter Audet did with Rich by
offering him the chance to earn his keep. Otherish givers carry the optimistic belief that Randy Pausch
expressed in The Last Lecture: “Wait long enough, and people will surprise and impress you.”
The value of generous tit for tat as an otherish approach was demonstrated by Abraham Lincoln in
the Sampson story from the opening chapter. After Lincoln fell on his sword so that Lyman Trumbull
could defeat James Shields in the Illinois Senate race, Trumbull came under fire for trying to sabotage
Lincoln’s career. Lincoln’s wife, Mary Todd, said Trumbull had committed “selfish treachery” and
she cut ties with Trumbull’s wife, who had been one of her closest friends—Mary was a bridesmaid
at the Trumbull wedding. Lincoln, however, was more inclined to forgive. He expressed faith to
Trumbull: “Any effort to put enmity between you and me is as idle as the wind.” At the same time,
wanting to protect himself against defection, Lincoln warned Trumbull not to cross him: “While I
have no more suspicion against you than I have of my best friend living, I am kept in a constant
struggle against suggestions of this sort.” Trumbull reciprocated, helping Lincoln in his next Senate
bid.
In 1859, Chicago mayor John Wentworth accused Norman Judd of plotting against Lincoln to
support Trumbull and advance his own political career. Whereas his wife never forgave Judd,
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