Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

MASTER MY STORIES 117

the presentation-and realized in retrospect that he shouldn't
have done this without her. He also apologized for dominating
during the presentation. Maria learned from the conversation
that Louis tends to talk more when he gets nervous. He sug­
gested that they each be responsible for either the first or sec­
ond half of the presentation and stick to their assignments so he
would be less likely to crowd her out. The discussion ended
with both of them understanding the other's perspective and
Louis promising to be more sensitive in the future.

SUMMARY-MASTER MY STORIES

If strong emotions are keeping you stuck in silence or violence,
try this.

Retrace Your Path

Notice your behavior. If you find yourself moving away from
dialogue, ask yourself what you're really doing.

• Am I in some form of silence or violence?

Get in touch with your feelings. Learn to accurately identify

the emotions behind your story.

• What emotions are encouraging me to act this way?

Analyze your stories. Question your conclusions and look for
other possible explanations behind your story.

• What story is creating these emotions?

Get back to the fa cts. Abandon your absolute certainty by dis­

tinguishing between hard facts and your invented story.

• What evidence do I have to support this story?