Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

146 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS

Encourage Others to Retrace Their Path

Once you've decided to maintain a curious approach, it's time to
help the other person retrace his or her Path to Action.
Unfortunately, most of us fail to do so. That's because when oth­
ers start playing silence or violence games, we're joining the con­
versation at the end of their Path to Action. They've seen and
heard things, told themselves a story or two, generated a feeling
(possibly a mix of fear and anger or disappointment), and now
they're starting to act out their story. That's where we come in.
Now, even though we may be hearing their first words, we're
coming in somewhere near the end of their path. On the Path to
Action model, we're seeing the action at the end of the path-as
shown in Figure 8-1.
Every sentence has a history. To get a feel for how complicat­
ed and unnerving this process is, remember how you felt the last
time your favorite mystery show started late because a football
game ran long. As the game wraps up, the screen cross-fades
from a trio of announcers to a starlet standing over a murder vic­
tim. Along the bottom of the screen are the discomforting words,
"We now join this program already in progress."

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Hear ---too-Story --...,... Feel

Figure 8-1. The Path to Action