The Last Black Unicorn

(Ann) #1

about, “No phone calls from dudes. Who is this dude?
What’s his name? What kind of business is it? Are you
cheating on me? Are you cheating on me? Blah blah blah
blah blah.”
So many of these guys fussing at me every single day
about dudes. Do they not realize I’m in a male-dominated
business, and I’m going to have to talk to men every day?
ͳat’s just a part of my gig. I try to explain this, then I hear,
“Well you shouldn’t be nirting. You shouldn’t be sending
emojis.”
When I did this television special one time, I got two,
three hundred text messages from all these diĉerent
comedians. ͳe guy I was dating went through my phone
and deleted a bunch of them.
I let him do it, because I have nothing to hide. I don’t
know why guys do that, but they always look at my phone.
Every guy that I’ve dated has gone through my phone.
But I can’t even get mad at the dudes who are jealous
and possessive. You know why?
I’m picking them.
I pick every dude. I literally walk up to them, grab their
arm, like, “You are beefy. What’s your name? You sexy.”
ͳat didn’t work in high school. In high school dudes
were like, “What? What is wrong with you? You talk to
Tiffany? What’s wrong with Tiffany?”
It works now. Now guys respond.
Well, at least the guys I tend to be attracted to—
possessive and jealous and controlling—they respond.
The good guys, they don’t as much. They get scared.

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