The Last Black Unicorn

(Ann) #1

Everything got settled, and I introduced the headliner.
Poor guy, how’s he gonna follow that shit? And I was so
embarrassed. I had prayed out loud, in front of everybody,
for the Lord to give me strength to whip a girl’s ass. It was
so unprofessional. I was so embarrassed that I went so
ghetto, so fast.
When I left from the show, I walked to the police car in
the parking lot. It was the car that was taking her to the
station, and she was sitting in the back. She was like a rabid
dog—mad, face up against the glass, yelling and cussing, and
I was like, damn. ͷat was an hour ago, and she’s still crazy
like that?
Another really bad night was when I was supposed to
host this April Fool’s show in Atlanta. ͳis place held three
hundred people, but there was only thirty people there, and
they didn’t pay me all my money. I only got half my money,
and I had the worst set ever.
ͳey had me thinking it was gonna be so many people,
but only thirty people showed up. And then, half of them
were my ex-husband’s family members, so it was very
embarrassing. And I don’t embarrass easily, obviously. His
mom was there, and she was just staring me in the face. It
was a horrible show.
ͳen I fell on the stage. It was bad. I was wearing these
pants that looked like leather, but weren’t leather, and I was
trying to do this physical joke, where I squat down, like a
dance, and then pop back up. I squatted down, and when I
popped back up, I slipped and fell, so then my little fake

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