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Discipline, however, is different. Discipline is not pay-
ment for a wrong. It’s the natural law of God: our actions reap
consequences.
Discipline is different from punishment because God is fin-
ished punishing us. Punishment ended on the cross for all those
who accept Christ as Savior: “He himself bore our sins in his
body on the tree” (1 Peter 2:24). Christ’s suffering paid for our
wrongdoing.
In addition, discipline and punishment have a different rela-
tionship to time. Punishment looks back. It focuses on making
payment for wrongs done in the past. Christ’s suffering was pay-
ment, for example, for our sin. Discipline, however, looks for-
ward. The lessons we learn from discipline help us to not make
the same mistakes again: “God disciplines us for our good, that
we may share in his holiness” (Heb. 12:10).
How does that help us? It frees us to make mistakes without
fear of judgment, without fear of loss of relationship: “There-
fore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ
Jesus” (Rom. 8:1). The freedom of the cross allows us to prac-
tice without having to pay a terrible price. The only danger is
consequences—not isolation and judgment.
Take, for example, the mother who tells her ten-year-old,
“You smart off again, and I won’t love you anymore.” The
youngster is immediately in a no-win situation. She can either
rebel and lose her most important relationship in life, or she can
comply and become externally obedient, losing any chance of
practicing confrontational skills. Now, compare that response
with this, “I’ll never stop loving you. That’s a constant in my
heart. However, if you smart off again you’ve lost your boom box
for three days.” The relationship is still intact. There’s no con-
demnation. And the child gets an opportunity to choose respon-
sibility or suffer consequences—with no risk of losing love and
safety. This is the way to maturity, to learning to eat solid food:
the safe practice of discipline.
Boundaries