171The Boundary Needs of Children
What specific needs do boundaries meet in our kids? Limit-
setting abilities have several important jobs that will pay enor-
mous dividends throughout life.
Self-Protection
Have you ever seen anything more helpless than the human
infant? Human babies are less able to take care of themselves
than animal babies. God designed the newborn months as a
means for the mother and father (or another caregiver) to con-
nect deeply with their infant, knowing that without their
minute-by-minute care, the baby would not survive. All this time
and energy translates into an enduring attachment, in which the
child learns to feel safe in the world.
God’s program of maturation, however, doesn’t stop there.
Mom and Dad can’t always be there to care and provide. The
task of protection needs to ultimately pass on to the children.
When they grow up, they need to protect themselves.
Boundaries are our way of protecting and safeguarding our
souls. Boundaries are designed to keep the good in and the bad
out. And skills such as saying no, telling the truth, and main-
taining physical distance need to be developed in the family
structure to allow the child to take on the responsibility of self-
protection.
Consider the following two twelve-year-old boys:
Jimmy is talking with his parents at the dinner table. “Guess
what—some kids wanted me to smoke pot with them. When I
told them I didn’t want to, they said I was a sissy. I told them
they were dumb. I like some of them, but if they can’t like me
because I don’t smoke pot, I guess they aren’t really my friends.”
Paul comes home after school with red eyes, slurred speech,
and coordination difficulties. When asked by his concerned par-
ents what is wrong, he denies everything until, finally, he blurts
out, “Everybody’s doing it. Why do you hate my friends?”
Boundaries and Your Children