179God’s sovereignty. This helps them weigh choices, rather than
avoid them. They learn to appreciate the consequences of
choices made, rather than resenting the choices made for them.
Delaying Gratification of Goals
The word now was made for young children. It’s where they
live. Try telling a two-year-old she can have dessert tomorrow.
She doesn’t buy it. That means “never” to her. Newborns, in
fact, don’t have the capacity to understand “later.” That’s why a
six-month-old panics when Mom leaves the room. He is con-
vinced that she is irrevocably gone forever.
Yet, sometime in our development we learn the value of
“later,” of delaying one good for a greater good. We call this skill
delay of gratification. It’s the ability to say no to our impulses,
wishes, and desires for some gain down the road.
The Scriptures place great value on this ability. God uses this
skill to help us see the benefits of planning and preparing. Jesus
is our prime example, “Who for the joy set before him endured
the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of
the throne of God” (Heb. 12:2).
Generally, this skill isn’t relevant until after the first year of life,
as bonding needs take precedence during that time. However,
teaching delay of gratification can begin quickly by the beginning
of the second year. Dessert comes after carrots, not before.
Older children also need to learn this skill. The family can’t buy
certain clothes or recreational items until later in the year. Again,
the boundaries developed during this process are invaluable later
in life. They can prevent a child from becoming an adult who is a
broken, chaotic, impulse-driven slave to Madison Avenue. Our
children can become like ants, who are self-sufficient, instead of
sluggards, who are always in crisis (Prov. 6:6–11).
Learning how to delay gratification helps children have a
goal orientation. They learn to save time and money for things
that are important to them, and they value what they have cho-
sen to buy. One family I know had the son save up his money for
his first car. He began with a plan, with Dad’s help, when he was
thirteen. When all his weekend and summer jobs finally paid off
Boundaries and Your Children