185Ten to Eighteen Months
At this “practicing” stage, your baby begins not only talking,
but also walking—and the possibilities stretch out before her.
The world is this child’s oyster—and she spends a lot of time
finding ways to open it up and play with it. Now she has the
emotional and cognitive ability to understand and respond to the
word no.
Boundaries become increasingly important during this stage,
both having and hearing limits. Allowing the no muscle to begin
developing is crucial at this age. No is your child’s way of find-
ing out whether taking responsibility for her life has good
results—or whether no causes someone to withdraw. As par-
ents, learn to rejoice in your baby’s no.
At the same time, you have the delicate task of helping your
child see that she is not the center of the universe. There are
limits in life. There are consequences for scribbling on doors
and screaming in church. Yet you need to do this without
quenching the sense of excitement and interest in the world that
she has been developing.
Eighteen to Thirty-six Months
The child is now learning the important task of taking
responsibility for a separate yet connected soul. The practicing
child gives way to the more sober child who is realizing that life
has limits, but that being separate does not mean that we can’t
be attached. In this phase, the following abilities are goals:
- The ability to be emotionally attached to others, without giv-
ing up a sense of self and one’s freedom to be apart. - The ability to say appropriate nos to others without fear of loss
of love. - The ability to take appropriate nos from others without with-
drawing emotionally.
Boundaries and Your Children