189- Continual conflict in family
- Wrong type of friends
- School problems
- Eating disorders
- Alcohol use
- Drug use
- Suicidal ideas or behavior
Many parents, observing these problems, react with either
too many boundaries, or too few. The too-strict parent runs the
risk of alienating the almost-adult from the home connection.
The too-lenient parent wants to be the child’s best friend at a
time the teen needs someone to respect. At this point, parents
should consider consulting a therapist who understands teen
issues. The stakes are simply too high to ignore professional help.
Types of Discipline
Many parents are confused by how to teach children to
respect boundaries. They read countless books and articles on
spanking, time-outs, restrictions, and allowances. While this
question is beyond the scope of this book, a few thoughts may
help organize the searching parent.
- Consequences are intended to increase the child’s sense of
responsibility and control over his life. Discipline that increases
the child’s sense of helplessness isn’t helpful. Dragging a sixteen-
year-old girl to class doesn’t build the internal motivation she’ll
need in two years when she’s in college. A system of rewards and
consequences that help her choose school for her own benefit
has much better possibilities for success. - Consequences must be age-appropriate. You need to think
through the meaning of your discipline. Spanking, for example,
humiliates and angers a teenager; however, administered cor-
rectly, it can help build structure for a four-year-old. - Consequences must be related to the seriousness of the
infraction. Just as the penal system has different prison stays for
different crimes, you must be able to distinguish between minor
Boundaries and Your Children