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When you count the cost of the consequences, as difficult or
as costly as they seem, they hardly compare to the loss of your
“very self.” The message of the Bible is clear: Know the risk and
prepare.
Second, decide if you are willing to risk loss. Is the “cross you
must pick up” worth it to you for your “very self?” For some, the
price is too high. They would rather continue to give in to a con-
trolling parent or friend than to risk the relationship. Interven-
tion specialists caution the family to think hard about whether
they are ready to enforce the consequences they agreed on if the
alcoholic does not get treatment. Boundaries without conse-
quences are not boundaries. You must decide if you are willing
to enforce the consequences before you set the boundaries.
Third, be diligent about making up for what you have lost.
In Brian’s case, he had to plan to find a way to make more
money. Others may need to find new child care arrangements,
make new friends, or learn to deal with loneliness.
Fourth, do it. There is no way of dealing with the power
moves of others and the consequences of our boundaries other
than setting the boundaries and going through with your plan.
When you have a plan, do like Peter: Get out of the boat and
make your way toward Jesus. Fix your eyes on Jesus, “the author
and perfecter” of your faith (Heb. 12:2). The first step will be
the hardest. Go out and do it, and look for his help. Remember,
“he trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of
bronze” (Ps. 18:34).
Fifth, realize that the hard part is just beginning. Setting the
limit is not the end of the battle. It is the beginning. Now is the
time to go back to your support group and use them to spiritu-
ally nourish you so that you will be able to keep your stand.
Keep working the program that got you ready to set your
boundaries.
Countermoves to your boundary setting are tough to battle.
But God will be there to match your efforts as you “work out
your salvation.”
Boundaries