256
and you may need a reality check on that. You may have thought
that you kept your boundaries when you gave away the farm.
Get feedback.
- Keep practicing. Role play, continue to gain insight and
understanding about the past, and grieve your losses. Continue
to gain skills in the present. After a while, you will think, “I
remember when angry people could control me. But I’ve dealt
with the things inside that allowed that. It’s nice to be free.”
Remember, God does not want angry people to control you. He
wants to be your master, and does not want to share you with
anyone. He is on your side.
Fear of the Unknown
Another powerful internal resistance to setting boundaries is
the fear of the unknown. Being controlled by others is a safe prison.
We know where all the rooms are. As one woman said, “I didn’t
want to move out of hell. I knew the names of all the streets!”
Setting boundaries and being more independent is scary
because it is a step into the unknown. The Bible has many sto-
ries about people called by God out of the familiar to an
unknown land. And he promises them if they will step out on
faith and live his way, he will lead them to a better land. “By
faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later
receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did
not know where he was going” (Heb. 11:8).
Change is frightening. It may comfort you to know, that if you
are afraid, you are possibly on the right road—the road to change
and growth. One businessman I know says that if he is not totally
frightened at some point in every day, he is not stretching himself
far enough. He is very successful at what he does.
Boundaries separate you from what you have known and
what you do not want. They open up all sorts of new options for
you. You will have mixed emotions as you let go of the old and
familiar and venture out into the new.
Think for a moment about the new and frightening devel-
opmental boundary steps that have opened up bigger and bet-
ter worlds for you. As a two-year-old you stepped away from
Boundaries