259If you had some serious losses in the past, such as losses of
friends through frequent moves, you may be tapping into what
was not resolved in the past.
Make sure that you find someone with wisdom and begin to
see if the fear and pain you are feeling as you face the present is
coming from something unresolved in the past. This will help
you get into perspective what you feel and perceive. You may be
seeing the world through the eyes of a six-year-old, instead of
the thirty-five-year-old that you are. Rework the past and do not
let it become the future.
- Structure. For many people life changes are unbearable
because of the loss of structure they entail. In such changes, we
often lose both internal and external structures. Things we used
to depend on inside are no longer there, and people, places, and
schedules that made us secure on the outside have disappeared.
This can leave us in a state of chaos.
Creating internal as well as external structure will help in
these times of reorganization. Internal structure will come from
creating boundaries, following the steps in this book. In addi-
tion, gaining new values and beliefs, learning new spiritual prin-
ciples and information, having new disciplines and plans and
sticking to them, and having others listen to your pain are all
structure building. But while you are doing this, you may also
need some strong external structure.
Set a certain time every day to call a friend, schedule weekly
meeting times with your support group, or join a regular Bible
study or a twelve-step support group. In chaotic times, you may
need some structure around which to orient your new changes.
As you grow, and the change is not overwhelming, you can begin
to give up some structure. - Remember what God has done. The Bible is full of God’s
reminding his people of the things he has done in the past to
give them faith for the future. Hope is rooted in memory. We
remember getting help in the past and that gives us hope for the
future. Some people feel so hopeless because they have no
memory of being helped in the past.
Resistance to Boundaries