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because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down,
his friend can help him up” (Eccl. 4:9–10). Remember, as the
disciples were about to embark on the unknown, Jesus prayed for
their unity, oneness, and love for each other and God (John 17).
- Learn from the witness of others. Research and experi-
ence has shown that it is very helpful to get with other people
who are struggling and who have gone through what you have
gone through. This is more than support. It is being able to hear
the stories of people who have been there, who have been
scared, but who can witness to the fact that you can make it. Lis-
ten to their trials, how they have been in your shoes, and how
God was faithful to them (2 Cor. 1:4). - Have confidence in your ability to learn. There is nothing
that you are presently doing that you did not have to learn. At
one time the things you are now able to do were unfamiliar and
frightening. This is the nature of life. But the important thing to
remember is that you can learn. Once you realize that you are
able to learn new things and handle new situations, you cease
fearing the future. People who have strong fears about the
unknown have a strong need to “know everything” beforehand,
and no one ever knows how to do something before they do it.
They go and learn it. Some people have confidence in their abil-
ity to learn, and others don’t. If you can begin to learn that you
can learn, future unknowns look totally different.
Many depressed people suffer from a syndrome called
“learned helplessness,” in which they have been taught that
whatever they do will make no difference on the outcome. Many
dysfunctional families caught in destructive cycles reinforce this
in their children. But when you grow up and see other options
that will make a difference, you do not have to stay stuck in the
helplessness you learned at home. You can learn new patterns
of relating and functioning; this is the essence of the personal
power God wants you to have. - Rework past separations. Often when you have to make a
change or go through a loss, you find that your fear or sadness seems
greater than the situation warrants. Some of these heightened
emotions may come from past separations or memories of change.
Boundaries