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rescue someone who is irresponsible, you feel guilty. The list
goes on.
Guilt will keep you from doing what is right and will keep
you stuck. Many people do not have good boundaries because
they are afraid of disobeying the internal parent inside their
heads. There are several steps you can take to avoid this guilt,
but you must begin with one realization: the guilt is your prob-
lem. Many people without boundaries complain about how “so
and so makes me feel guilty when I say no,” as if the other per-
son had some sort of power over them. This fantasy comes from
childhood, when your parents seemed so powerful.
No one has the power to “make you feel guilty.” A part of you
agrees with the message because it taps into strong parental mes-
sages in your emotional brain. And that is your problem; it is on
your property, and you must gain control over it. See that being
manipulated is your problem, and you will be able to master it.
- Own the guilt.
- Get into your support system.
- Begin to examine where the guilt messages come from.
- Become aware of your anger.
- Forgive the controller.
- Set boundaries in practice situations with your supportive
friends, then gradually set them in more difficult situations. This
will help you to gain strength as well as gain the supportive
“voices” you need to rework your conscience. - Learn new information for your conscience. This is where
reading books like this and reading what God says about your
boundaries will give you new information that will become the
new guiding structures in your head instead of the old voices.
Learning God’s ways can restore your soul and make your heart
rejoice instead of feeling that controlling, parental guilt. - Acquire guilt. That may sound funny, but you are going to
have to disobey your parental conscience to get well. You are
going to have to do some things that are right but make you feel
guilty. Do not let the guilt be your master any longer. Set the
boundaries, and then get with your new supporters to let them
help you with the guilt.
Boundaries