67grandiosity and their irresponsibility. Then you become a “wet
blanket.” It’s revealing to talk to the “wet blanket” who is mar-
ried to a practicing child. No job is more tiring.
Proverbs 7:7 describes the youth stuck in the practicing
stage: “I saw among the simple, I noticed among the young men,
a youth who lacked judgment.”
This young man had energy, but no impulse control, no
boundaries on his passions. He becomes sexually promiscuous,
which often happens to adults who are caught in this phase. And
he ends up dead: “till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird dart-
ing into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life” (Prov. 7:23).
Practicers feel that they’ll never be caught. But life does
catch up with them.
What practicing infants (the ones for whom omnipotence is
appropriate!) need most from parents is a responsive delight in
their delight, exhilaration at their exhilaration, and some safe
limits to practice. Good parents have fun with toddlers who
jump on the bed. Poor parents either quench their children’s
desire by not allowing any jumping, or they set no limits and
allow them to jump all over Mom and Dad’s orange juice and
coffee. (Derek’s parents were the second type.)
In the practicing phase children learn that aggressiveness and
taking initiative are good. Parents who firmly and consistently set
realistic boundaries with children in this period, but without
spoiling their enthusiasm, help them through the transition.
Have you ever seen the posters depicting “baby’s first
steps”? Some of these portray a wrong notion. They present the
child taking hesitant steps toward a waiting mother, arms out-
stretched. The truth is different. Most mothers report, “I
watched my baby’s first steps from behind!” The practicing tod-
dler moves from safety and warmth to excitement and discov-
ery. Physical and geographical boundaries help the child learn
action without danger.
The practicing phase provides the child with the energy and
drive to make the final step toward becoming an individual, but
energetic exhilaration can’t last forever. Cars can’t always run at
How Boundaries Are Developed