66
limits of the Almighty?” No, we can’t. But we are created to dis-
cover, to experience the Creation and to know the Creator.
This is a difficult period for new mothers. As the mom in the
beginning of this section described, it can be a letdown. It’s
especially hard for women who have never really “hatched”
themselves. They long for nothing but closeness, neediness, and
dependency from their baby. These women often conceive lots
of children, or find ways to spend time with very young infants.
They often don’t enjoy the “separating” part of mothering. They
don’t like the distance between themselves and baby. It’s a
painful boundary for Mother, but a necessary one for the child.
Practicing: “I Can Do Anything!”
“But what’s wrong with wanting to have fun? Life wasn’t
meant to be boring,” protested Derek. In his late forties, Derek
dressed like a college student. His face had that tanned, unlined
look that appears unnatural on a middle-aged man.
Something was out of place. Derek was talking to his pastor
about switching his membership from the thirty-five-and-older
singles group to the twenties and thirties group. “They’re just
not my speed. I like roller coasters, late nights out, and switch-
ing jobs. Keeps me young, you know?”
Derek’s style describes someone still stuck in the second
stage of separation-individuation: practicing. During this period,
which usually lasts from age ten months to eighteen months (and
then returns later), babies learn to walk and begin to use words.
The difference between hatching and practicing is radical.
While the hatching baby is overwhelmed by this new world and
still leans a great deal on Mother, the practicing child is trying
to leave her behind! The newfound ability to walk opens up a
sense of omnipotence. Toddlers feel exhilaration and energy.
And they want to try everything, including walking down steep
stairs, putting forks into electric sockets, and chasing cats’ tails.
People like Derek who are stuck in this stage can be lots of
fun. Except when you pop their bubble about their unrealistic
Boundaries