You can likely guess that how “What do you want from me?” lands
will depend in no small part on the tone of voice in which it’s
asked. To connect it to the Drama Triangle, if you’re in Persecutor
mode, it might come across as aggressive; in Victim mode, as
whiny; and in Rescuer mode, as smothering.
A way to soften this question, as with all questions, is to use the
phrase “Out of curiosity.” What that does is shift the question
from perhaps coming across as an inquisition to being a more
noble inquiry. Other phrases that can have a similar softening
effect on the question being asked are “Just so I know...” or “To
help me understand better...” or even “To make sure that I’m
clear...”
The Anxiety of Asking “How Can I Help?” & How to Manage
It
The biggest worry people have about asking, “How can I help?” is
the range of potential answers:
“I need you to do this horrible/unreasonable/impossible
task.”
“I’d like you to have the difficult conversation I’m avoiding.”
“Can you please give me all of your budget?”
“Here’s one extra thing for your already towering pile of re-
sponsibilities.”