emptiedthe trashfor her.Butshecansimply noticethathehasemptiedthetrash andsay "thanks."
Graduallymorelovewillflowfrombothsides.
What a Man Needs a Woman to Accept
Awomanneedstoacceptaman'sinstinctivetendenciestofocusallhisenergiesintoonebigthingand
minimize theimportanceofthelittlethings.Byacceptingthisinclination,itwillnotbeashurtfultoher.
Ratherthanresentinghimforgivingless,shecanconstructivelyworkwithhimtosolvetheproblem.She
canrepeatedlylethimknowhowmuchsheappreciatesthelittlethingshehasdoneforherandthathe
workshardandattentively.
Shecanrememberthathisforgettingtodothelittlethingsdoesn'tmeanhedoesn'tloveherbutthathe
hasbecometoofocusedonbigthingsagain.Insteadoffightinghimorpunishinghim,shecanencourage
hispersonalinvolvementbyaskingforhissupport.Withmoreappreciationandencouragementamanwill
graduallylearntovaluethelittlethingsaswellasthebig.Hewillbecomelessdriventobemoreandmore
successfulandbegintorelaxmoreandspendmoretimewithhiswifeandfamily.
REDIRECTINGENERGYANDATTENTION.....................................................................................
IrememberwhenIfirstlearnedtoredirectmyenergiesintothelittlethings.WhenBonnieandIwerefirst
married,Iwasalmostaworkaholic.Inadditiontowritingbooksandteachingseminars,Ihadacounceling
practiceforfiftyhoursaweek.Inthefirstyearofourmarriage,sheletmeknowagainandagainhow
muchsheneededmoretimewithme.Repeatedlyshewouldshareherfeelingsofabandonmentandhurt.
Sometimesshewouldshareherfeelingsinaletter.WecallthisaLoveLetter.Italwaysendswithloveand
includes feelings ofanger, sadness, fear, and sorrow. In chapter 11 wewillexploremore deeply the
methodsandimportanceofwritingtheseLoveLetters.ShewrotethisLoveLetteraboutmyspendingtoo
muchtimeatwork.
DearJohn,
I'mwritingyouthislettertosharewithyoumyfeelings.Idon'tmeantotellyouwhattodo.I
justwantyoutounderstandmyfeelings.Iam angrythatyouspendsomuchtimeatwork.I
am angrythatyoucomehomewithnothingleftforme.Iwanttospendmoretimewithyou.
Ithurtstofeellikeyoucaremoreaboutyourclientsthanme.Ifeelsadthatyouaresotired.I
miss you. I'm afraid you don't want to spend time with me. I am afraid of being another
burden in your life. I am afraid of sounding like a nag. I am afraid my feelings are not