more.
Menmistakenlyassumethataslongasshesaysyestohisneedsandrequests,sheisreceivingequally
whatshewants.Hemistakenlyassumesthescoreisevenwhenitisn't.
Iremembertakingmywifetothemoviesaboutonceaweekforthefirsttwoyearsofourmarriage.One
dayshebecamefuriouswithmeandsaid,"Wealwaysdowhatyouwanttodo.WeneverdowhatIwant
todo."
Iwasgenuinelysurprised.Ithoughtthataslongasshesaidyesandcontinuedtosayyesthatshewas
equallyhappywiththesituation.IthoughtshelikedthemoviesasmuchasIdid.
Occasionally shewould suggestto methattheoperawasin town orthatshewouldliketo gotothe
symphony.Whenwedrovebythelocalplayhouse,shewouldmakearemarklike'Thatlookslikefun,let's
seethatplay."ButthenlaterintheweekIwouldsay,"Let'sgotothismovie,it'sgotagreatreview."And
shewouldhappilysay,"OK."Mistakenly,IgotthemessagethatshewasashappyasIwasaboutgoingto
themovies.Intruthshewashappytobewithme,themoviewasOK,butwhatshewantedwastogoto
thelocalculturalevents.Thatiswhyshekeptmentioningthemtome.Butbecauseshekeptsayingyesto
themovies,Ihadnoideathatshewassacrificingherwantstomakemehappy.
Thisinsighthaspracticalapplicationsforbothmenandwomen.
ForMen:Rememberthatifshesaysyestoyourrequests,itdoesn'tmeanthescoreiseven.Thescore
may betwenty tozero inhermindand shewillstillhappily say "SureI'llpickupyourclothesatthe
cleaners"or"OK,I'llmakethatcallforyou."
Agreeingtodoingwhatyouwantdoesn'tmeanthatitiswhatshewants.Askherwhatshewantstodo.
Collectinformationaboutwhatshelikes,andthenoffertotakehertothoseplaces.
ForWomen:Rememberthatifyouimmediatelysayyestoaman'srequests,hegetstheideathathehas
givenmoreorthatthescoreisatleasteven.Ifyouaregivingmoreandgettingless,stopsayingyestohis
requests.Instead,inagracefulway,beginaskinghimtodomoreforyou.
5 .Martians GivePenalty Points. Womendon'trealizethatmengivepenalty pointswhenthey feel
unlovedandunsupported.Whenawomanreactstoamaninanuntrusting, rejecting,disapproving, or
unappreciativeway,hegivesminusorpenaltypoints.
Forexample,ifamanfeelshurtorunlovedbecausehiswifehasfailedtoappreciatesomethinghe'sdone,
hefeelsjustifiedintakingawaythepointsshehasalreadyearned.Ifshehasgiventen,whenhefeelshurt
byher, hemay reacttoherbytakingaway hertenpoints.Ifheismorehurthemay evengivehera
negativetwenty.Asaresultshenowoweshimtenpoints,whenaminutebeforeshehadtenpoints.
Thisisveryconfusingtoawoman.Shemayhavegiventheequivalentofthirtypoints,andtheninone