I 0 .Howareyouevensupposedtoknowwhatyouarefeelingifyourparentsdidn'thavethetime,patience,
orawarenesstoaskyouhowyouwerefeelingorwhatwasbotheringyou?
11 .Howcanyouacceptyourpartner'simperfectionsif,asachild,youfeltyouhadtobeperfecttobe
worthyoflove?
12 .Howcanyoulistentoyourpartner'spainfulfeelingsIfnoonelistenedtoyours?
13 .Howcanyouforgiveifyouwerenotforgiven?
14 .Howareyousupposedtocryandhealyourpainandgriefif,asachild,youwererepeatedly told
"Don'tcry"or"Whenareyougoingtogrowup?"or"Onlybabiescry"?
15 .Howcanyoubearyourpartner'sdisappointmentif,asachild,youweremadetofeelresponsiblefor
ourmother'spainlongbeforeyoucouldunderstandthatyouwerenotresponsible?
16 .Howcanyouhearyourpartner'sangerif,asachild,yourmotherorfathertooktheirfrustrationsout
onyouthroughyellingandbeingdemanding?
17 .Howdoyouopenupandtrustyourpartnerifthefirstpeopleyoutrustedwithyourinnocencebetrayed
youinsomeway?
- Howare you supposed tocommunicate your feelings lovingly andrespectfully ifyou haven'thad
eighteenyearsofpracticewithoutthethreatofbeingrejectedandabandoned?
Theanswertoalltheseeighteenquestionsisthesame:itispossibletolearnlovingcommunication,but
weneedtoworkatit.Wehavetomakeupfortheeighteenyearsofneglect.Nomatterhowperfectour
parentswere,nobodyisreallyperfect.Ifyouhaveproblemscommunicating,itisneitheracursenorall
yourpartner'sfault.Itissimplyalackofhavingthecorrecttrainingandthesafetytopractice.
In reading the above questions, you may have had some feelings come up. Don't wastethis special
opportunitytohealyourself.TaketwentyminutesrightnowandwriteoneofyourparentsaLoveLetter.
Simplygetapenandsomepaperandbeginexpressingyourfeelings,usingtheLoveLetterformat.Tryit
now,andyouwillbeamazedattheoutcome.
TELLINGTHECOMPLETETRUTH.................................................................................................
LoveLettersworkbecausetheyassistyouintellingthecompletetruth.Merelytoexploreapartofyour
feelingsdoesnotbringaboutthedesiredhealing.Forexample..
1 .Feelingyourangermaynothelpyouatall.Itmayjustmakeyoumoreangry.Themoreyoudwellon
justyouranger,themoreupsetyouwillbecome.
2 .Cryingforhoursmayleaveyoufeelingemptyandspent,ifyounevermovepastthesadness.