Sometimes,byprivatelywritingoutyourfeelings,youwilldiscoverdeeperlevelsoffeelingsthatyoucould
notfeelwithanotherpersonpresent.Completeprivacycreatesthesafetytofeelmoredeeply.Evenifyou
areinarelationshipandyoufeelyoucantalkaboutanything,Istillrecommendwritingdownyourfeelings
sometimes.WritingLoveLettersin privateisalsohealthy becauseitprovidesatimeforyoutogiveto
yourselfwithoutdependingonanyoneelse.
IrecommendkeepingajournalofyourLoveLettersorkeepingthemtogetherinafile.Tomakewriting
LoveLetterseasier,youmaywishtorefertothesampleLoveLetterformatgivenearlierinthischapter.
ThisLoveLetterformatcanassistyouinrememberingthedifferentstagesofaLoveLetterandoffersome
lead-inphraseswhenyoumaybestuck.
IfyouhaveapersonalcomputerthentypeintheLoveLetterformatanduseitoverandoveragain.Simply
opentothatfilewheneveryouwanttowriteaLoveLetter,andwhenyouarefinishedsaveitbythedate.
Printitoutifyouwishtoshareitwithsomeone.
Inadditiontowritingletters,Isuggestthatyoukeepaprivatefileforyourletters.Occasionally reread
theseletterswhenyouarenotupsetbecausethatiswhenyoucanreviewyourfeelingswithagreater
objectivity.Thisobjectivitywillhelpyoutoexpressupsetfeelingsatalatertimeinamorerespectfulway.
AlsoifyouwriteaLoveLetterandyouarestillupset,byrereadingtheletteryoumaybegintofeelbetter.
ToassistpeopleinwritingLoveLettersandexploringandexpressingfeelingsinaprivateway,Ideveloped
acomputerprogram calledPrivate Session. Inapersonalway, thecomputerusespictures, graphics,
questions,and variousLoveLetter formatsto assistyouingettingin touchwithyourfeelings.Iteven
suggests lead-in phrasestohelpyoudraw upand expressparticularemotions. In addition itprivately
storesyourlettersandbringsthemupattimeswhenreadingthemmighthelpyoumorefullytoexpress
yourfeelings.
Usingyourcomputertoassistyouinexpressingyourfeelingscanhelpovercometheusualresistancethat
people have to writing Love Letters. Men, who are usually more resistant to this process, are more
motivatedtodoitiftheycansitprivatelyinfrontoftheircomputer.
The Power of Intimacy
PrivatelywritingLoveLettersisveryhealinginitself,butitdoesnotreplaceourneedtobeheardand
understoodbyothers.WhenyouwriteaLoveLetteryouarelovingyourself,butwhenyousharealetter
youarereceivinglove.Togrowinourabilitytoloveourselvesweneedtoreceiveloveaswell.Sharingthe
truthopensthedoorofintimacythroughwhichlovecanenter.
Toreceivemoreloveweneedtohavepeopleinourlifewithwhomwecanopenlyandsafelyshareour
feelingsItisverypowerfultohavesomeselectpeopleinyourlifewithwhomyoucanshareyourevery