supportwithoutbeingasked.Butheiswaitingforhertostartaskingforsupportifshewantsit.Ifsheis
notaskingforsupportheassumesheisgivingenough.
Eventually,shemayaskforhissupport,butbythistimeshehasgivensomuchmoreandfeelssomuch
resentmentthatherrequestisreallyademand.Somewomenwillresentamansimplybecausetheyhave
toaskforhissupport.Then,whentheydoask,evenifhesaysyesandgiveshersomesupport,shewill
stillresentthatshehadtoask.Shefeels"IfIhavetoask,itdoesn'tcount."
Men do notrespond well to demandsand resentment. Even ifa man is willing to givesupport, her
resentmentordemandswillleadhimtosayno.Demandsareacompleteturnoff.Herchancesofgetting
hissupportaredramaticallyreducedwhenarequestbecomesademand.Insomecaseshewillevengive
lessforawhileifhesensesthatsheisdemandingmore.
Thispatternmakesrelationshipswithmenverydifficultfortheunawarewomen.Thoughthisproblemmay
feelinsurmountable,itcanbesolved.ByrememberingthatmenarefromMarsyoucanlearnnewwaysto
askforwhatyouwant--waysthatwork.
Inmy seminarsIhavetrainedthousandsofwomenintheartofasking,andtheyrepeatedly havehad
immediatesuccess.Inthischapterwewillexplorethethreestepsinvolvedinaskingforandgettingwhat
youwant.Theyare:( 1 )Practiceaskingcorrectlyforwhatyou'realreadygetting;( 2 )Practiceaskingfor
more,evenwhenyouknowhewillsayno,andaccepthisno;( 3 )Practiceassertiveasking.
STEPI:ASKINGCORRECTLYFORWHATYOUAREALREADYGETTING..........................................
The firststepinlearning howtogetmoreinyourrelationshipsis to practiceaskingfor whatyou are
alreadygetting.Becomeawareofwhatyourpartnerisalreadydoingforyou.Especiallythelittlethings,
likecarryingboxes,fixingthings,cleaningup,makingcalls,andotherlittlechores.
Theimportantpartofthisstageistobeginaskinghimtodothelittlethingshealreadydoesandnotto
takehimforgranted.Thenwhenhedoesthosethingsgivehimalotofappreciation.Temporarilygiveup
expectinghimtoofferhissupportunsolicited.
InstepI,itisimportantnottoaskformorethanwhatheisusedtogiving.Focusonaskinghimtodolittle
thingsthathenormallydoes.Allowhimtobecomeusedtohearingyouaskforthingsinaundemanding
tone.
Whenhehearsademandingtone,nomatterhownicelyyouphraseyourrequest,allhehearsisthatheis
notgivingenough.Thismakeshimfeelunlovedandunappreciated.Histendencyisthentogivelessuntil
youappreciatewhatheisalreadygiving.
Hemaybeconditionedbyyou(orhismother)immediatelytosaynotoyourrequests.InstepIyouwillbe