theirhurtthatcomesfromthepast.Withoutthisunderstandingofourpastwetendtoblameourpartners,
oratleasttheyfeelblamed.
Ifyouwantyourpartnertobemoresensitivetoyourfeelings,letthemexperiencethepainfulfeelingsof
yourpast.Thentheycanunderstandyoursensitivities.LoveLettersareanexcellentopportunitytodothis.
YOUARENEVERUPSETFORTHEREASONYOUTHINK.................................................................
AsyoupracticewritingLoveLettersandexploringyourfeelingsyouwillbegintodiscoverthatgenerally
youareupsetfordifferentreasonsthanyoufirstthink.By experiencingandfeelingthedeeperreasons,
negativity tends todisappear. Justas wesuddenly canbe gripped by negativeemotionswe can also
suddenlyreleasethem.Theseareafewexamples:
1 .OnemorningJim wokeupfeelingannoyedwithhispartner.Whatever shediddisturbedhim. Ashe
wroteheraLoveLetterhediscoveredthathewasreallyupsetwithhismotherforbeingsocontrolling.
Thesefeelingswerejustcomingup,sohewroteashortLoveLettertohismother.Towritethisletterhe
imaginedhewasbackwhenhewasfeelingcontrolled.Afterhewrotethelettersuddenlyhewasnolonger
upsetwithhispartner.
2 .Aftermonthsoffallinginlove,Lisasuddenlybecamecriticalofherpartner.AsshewroteaLoveLetter
shediscoveredthatshewasreallyfeelingafraidthatshewasnotgoodenoughforhimandafraidhewas
nolongerinterestedinhenBybecomingawareofherdeeperfearsshestartedtofeelherlovingfeelings
again.
3 .Afterspendingaromanticeveningtogether,Billandjeangotinaterriblefightthenextday.Itstarted
when jean became a littleangry with him for forgetting todo something. Instead ofbeing his usual
understandingself,suddenlyBillfeltlikehewantedadivorce.LaterashewroteaLoveLetterherealized
hewasreallyafraidofbeingleftorabandoned.Herememberedhowhefeltasachildwhenhisparents
fought.Hewrotealettertohisparents,andsuddenlyhefeltlovingtowardhiswifeagain.
4 .Susan'shusband,Tom,wasbusymeetingadeadlineatwork.WhenhecamehomeSusanfeltextremely
resentfulandangry.Onepartofherunderstoodthestresshewasunder,butemotionallyshewasstill
angry.WhilewritinghimaLoveLettershediscoveredthatshewasangrywithherfatherforleavingher
alonewithherabusivemother.Asachildshehadfeltpowerlessandabandoned,andthesefeelingswere
againcominguptobehealed.ShewroteaLoveLettertoherfatherandsuddenlyshewasnolongerangry
withTom.
5 .RachelwasattractedtoPhiluntilhesaidhelovedherandwantedtomakeacommitment.Thenextday
hermoodsuddenlychanged.Shebegantohavealotofdoubtsandherpassiondisappeared.Asshewrote
himaLoveLettershediscoveredthatshewasangrywithherfatherforbeingsopassiveandhurtingher