Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

(Tina Meador) #1

Inthesameway,ifunresolvedfeelingsarecomingup,wewillbeoverlysensitivetothenormalpokesand
bumpsofrelating.


Inthebeginningofarelationshipwemaynotbeassensitive.Ittakestimeforourpastfeelingstocome
up.Butwhentheydocomeup,wereactdifferentlytoourpartners.Inmostrelationships, 90 percentof
whatisupsettingtouswouldnotbeupsettingifourpastunresolvedfeelingswerenotcomingup.


How We Can Support Each Other


Whenaman'spastcomesup,hegenerallyheadsforhiscave.Heisoverlysensitiveatthosetimesand
needsalotofacceptance.Whenawoman'spastcomesupiswhenherself-esteemcrashes.Shedescends
intothewellofherfeelingsandneedstenderlovingcare.


Thisinsighthelpsyoutocontrolyourfeelingswhenthey comeup.Ifyouareupsetwithyourpartner,
beforeconfrontinghimorherfirstwriteoutyourfeelingsonpaper.ThroughtheprocessofwritingLove
Lettersyournegativitywillbeautomaticallyreleasedandyourpasthurtwillbehealed.LoveLettershelp
center you in present time so that you can respond to your partner in a more trusting, accepting,
understanding,andforgivingway.


Understandingthe 90 /I 0 principlealsohelpswhenyourpartnerisreactingstronglytoyou.Knowingthat
heorsheisbeinginfluencedbythepastcanhelpyoutobemoreunderstandingandsupportive.


Nevertellyourpartner,whenitappearsasthoughtheir"stuff"iscomingup,thattheyareoverreacting.
Thatjusthurtsthemmore.Ifyoupokedsomeonerightinthemiddleofawoundyouwouldn'ttellthem
theywereoverreacting.


Understandinghowthefeelingsofthepastcomeupgivesusagreaterunderstandingofwhyourpartners
reactthewaytheydo. Itispartoftheirhealingprocess.Givethemsometimetocooloffandbecome
centeredagain.Ifitistoodifficulttolistentotheirfeelings,encouragethemtowriteyouaLoveLetter
beforeyoutalkaboutwhatwassoupsetting.


A Healing Letter


Understandinghowyourpastaffectsyourpresentreactionshelpsyouhealyourfeelings.Ifyourpartner
hasupsetyouin someway,writethemaLoveLetter,andwhileyouarewritingask yourselfhowthis
relatestoyourpast.Asyouwriteyoumayfindmemoriescomingupfromyourpastanddiscoverthatyou
arereallyupsetwithyourownmotherorfather.Atthispointcontinuewritingbutnowaddressyourletter
toyourparent.ThenwritealovingResponseLetter.Sharethisletterwithyourpartner.


Theywilllikehearingyourletter.Itfeelsgreatwhenyourpartnertakesresponsibilityforthe 90 percentof

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