Tomsays,"Youworrytoomuch,that'swhyyou'resounhappy."
Maryangrilysays,"Iamnotalwaysunhappy.Can'tyoujustlistentome?"
Tomsays,"Iamlistening."
Marysays,"WhydoIevenbother?"
After this conversation, Mary wasmore frustrated than when she arrived home seeking intimacy and
companionship. Tomwasalsofrustratedandhadnoideawhatwentwrong.Hewantedtohelp,buthis
problem_solvingtacticsdidn'twork.
WithoutknowingaboutlifeonVenus,Tomdidn'tunderstandhowimportantitwasjusttolistenwithout
offeringsolutions.Hissolutions only madethingsworse.Yousee,Venusiansneveroffersolutionswhen
someoneistalking.AwayofhonoringanotherVenusianistolistenpatientlywithempathy,seekingtrulyto
understandtheother'sfeelings.
TomhadnoideathatjustlisteningwithempathytoMaryexpressherfeelingswouldbringhertremendous
reliefand fulfillment. When Tom heard aboutthe Venusians and how much they needed to talk, he
graduallylearnedhowtolisten.
WhenMarynowcomeshometiredandexhaustedtheirconversationsarequitedifferent.Theysoundlike
this:
Marysays,"Thereissomuchtodo.Ihavenotimeforme."
Tomtakesadeepbreath,relaxesontheexhale,andsays,"Humph,soundslikeyouhadahardday."
Marysays,"Theyexpectmetochangeeverythingatamoment'snotice.Idon'tknowwhattodo."
Tompausesandthensays,"Hmmm."
Marysays,"Ievenforgottocallmyaunt."
Tomsayswithaslightlywrinkledbrow,"Oh,no."
Marysays,"Sheneedsmesomuchrightnow.Ifeelsobad."
Tomsays,"Youaresuchalovingperson.Comehere,letmegiveyouahug."
TomgivesMaryahugandsherelaxesinhisarmswithabigsighofrelief.Shethensays,"Ilovetalking
withyou.Youmakemereallyhappy.Thanksforlistening.Ifeelmuchbetter."
NotonlyMarybutalsoTomfeltbetter.Hewasamazedathowmuchhappierhiswifewaswhenhefinally
learned to listen. With this new awareness of their differences, Tom learned the wisdom of listening
withoutoffering solutionswhileMary learnedthe wisdom ofletting goand accepting withoutoffering
unsolicitedadviceorcriticism.