unresponsiveanddistant.Inhiscaveamanispreoccupiedwithsolvinghisproblemandisunawareofhow
hisindifferentattitudemightfeeltoothers.
Toincreasecooperationbothmenandwomenneedtounderstandeachotherbetter.Whenamanbegins
toignorehiswife,sheoftentakesitpersonally.Knowingthatheiscopingwithstressinhisownwayis
extremelyhelpfulbutdoesnotalwayshelpheralleviatethepain.
Atsuchtimesshemayfeeltheneedtotalkaboutthesefeelings.Thisiswhenitisimportantfortheman
tovalidateherfeelings.Heneedstounderstandthatshehasarighttotalkaboutherfeelingsofbeing
ignoredandunsupportedjustashehasarighttowithdrawintohiscaveandnottalk.Ifshedoesnotfeel
understoodthenitisdifficultforhertoreleaseherhurt.
FINDINGRELIEFTHROUGHTALKING.............................................................................................
Whenawomanisstressedsheinstinctively feelsaneedtotalk aboutherfeelingsandallthepossible
problems that are associated with her feelings. When she begins talking she does not prioritize the
significance ofany problem. Ifsheisupset, then she is upsetaboutitall, bigand small. Sheis not
immediatelyconcernedwithfindingsolutionstoherproblemsbutratherseeksreliefbyexpressingherself
andbeingunderstood.BBBByyyyrrrraaaannnnddddoooommmmllllyyyyttttaaaallllkkkkiiiinnnnggggaaaabbbboooouuuutttthhhheeeerrrrpppprrrroooobbbblllleeeemmmmssss,,,,sssshhhheeeebbbbeeeeccccoooommmmeeeesssslllleeeessssssssuuuuppppsssseeeetttt.
Asamanunderstresstendstofocusononeproblemandforgetothers,awomanunderstresstendsto
expandandbecomeoverwhelmedbyallproblems.Bytalkingaboutallpossibleproblemswithoutfocusing
onproblemsolvingshefeelsbetter. Through exploringher feelingsin thisprocessshegainsagreater
awarenessofwhatisreallybotheringher,andthensuddenlysheisnolongersooverwhelmed.
Tofeelbetter,womentalkaboutpastproblems,futureproblems,potentialproblems,evenproblemsthat
havenosolutions.Themoretalkandexploration,thebettertheyfeel.Thisisthewaywomenoperate.To
expectotherwiseistodenyawomanhersenseofself.
Whenawomanisoverwhelmedshefindsreliefthroughtalkingingreatdetailabouthervariousproblems.
Gradually,ifshefeelssheisbeingheard,herstressdisappears.Aftertalkingaboutonetopicshewillpause
and then move ontothe next. Inthis way shecontinuesto expand talking aboutproblems, worries,
disappointments,andfrustrations.Thesetopicsneednotbeinanyorderandtendtobelogicallyunrelated.
Ifshefeelssheisnotbeingunderstood,herawarenessmayexpandevenfurther,andshemaybecome
upsetaboutmoreproblems.
Justasamanwhoisstuck inthecaveneedslittleproblemstodistracthim,awomanwhodoesn'tfeel
heardwillneedtotalk aboutother problemsthatarelessimmediatetofeelrelief. Toforgether own
painfulfeelingsshemaybecomeemotionallyinvolvedintheproblemsofothers.IIIInnnnaaaaddddddddiiiittttiiiioooonnnnsssshhhheeeemmmmaaaayyyy
ffffiiiinnnnddddrrrreeeelllliiiieeeefffftttthhhhrrrroooouuuugggghhhhddddiiiissssccccuuuussssssssiiiinnnnggggtttthhhheeeepppprrrroooobbbblllleeeemmmmssssooooffffhhhheeeerrrrffffrrrriiiieeeennnnddddssss,,,,rrrreeeellllaaaattttiiiivvvveeeessss,,,,aaaannnnddddaaaassssssssoooocccciiiiaaaatttteeeessss....Whether